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Most women have been on the receiving end of the ‘I need space’ line. Here's what it means –and six reasons why guy-time is so essential to us.
So you’re spending all of your time with your man but for some reason he’s not happy and you get the feeling his friends don’t like you. It could be you’re not giving him enough space to do the things he wants to do. So how do you tell if you’re smothering him, and what should you do if he wants to go out with his friends? We look at six reasons why guys need space in relationships.
1. He’s feeling trapped During the beginning of any relationship it’s a given that you’re going to want to spend most, if not all, of your time with your new squeeze. It’s important to remember that, like with everything in life, there needs to be balance. You need to do some things alone and give each other space. This is even more important later on in a relationship when guys can feel smothered or trapped. If you have things in your life that you do on your own it will take the pressure off constantly having to plan or do things with each other.
2. ‘I just need to finish this level’ Guys sometimes have stupid hobbies girls can’t understand, like working on an old car or playing online games. You may think they’re a waste of time but to him they aren’t. Your guy’s hobbies are important to him and quilting him into giving them up is a quick way to end a relationship. Giving your man space to do the things he enjoys will help him to appreciate you a lot more in his life.
3. Whipping boy I mentioned earlier that guys have a tendency to feel trapped or smothered in a relationship. This happens because even if we’re with the perfect girl, we’re still terrified of the thought of not being able to do the things we enjoy (read: he’s whipped). Ladies, please try and let your guy have time with his friends or let him enjoy things without you on occasion. Most guys try to hook up with their friends at least once or twice a week, so give your guy space to do this. Don’t guilt him into staying or doing something with you instead, or he’ll start resenting you. Be the cool girlfriend who lets her man enjoy himself.
4. Limited free time Even if you feel like you want to spend every second with your guy, this doesn’t mean he has to take up all your available time. You were two people with different interests when you started going out, so why when you’re in a relationship do you forget who you are and all the things you used to enjoy? When you start feeling you have limited time to do things you want to do or feel like you’ve constantly have to give up the things you enjoy, that's when relationship problems start. ‘Stealing’ your each other’s time might cause you both to work much harder to make up that time and begin pushing you away.
5. Guilt trip It’s very easy to become upset with your guy when he’s out on his own and you might even use the line ‘so you’d rather be with your friends than me’. Girls, don’t guilt your man into ditching the things he enjoys just so you can get your way. You don't want to risk looking possessive or becoming the girl that his buddies don’t like being around. There is nothing wrong with the two of you each having a life of your own.
6. Putting up a wall I mentioned in a previous blog that guys handle emotions differently. Although our default response is being quiet and wanting to be alone, we do want to communicate our problems … just not all the time. Most of the time we’d prefer to stew alone and when this happens, you need to give your guy space. The more you push, the quicker he’ll put up a wall. Also, getting angry with us for not sharing will only lead to frantic phone calls and texts later, trying to find out where we are.
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Photograph: IStockPhoto.com
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