THE LOW-CONFIDENCE CLUB
Do you and your friends inadvertently feed each others’ negative self-esteem? Here's how to change.
The well-known proverb “A man is judged by the company he keeps” sounds at first like a load of codswallop, but when you start to think about it there is definitely some wisdom in that cheesy saying. The friends you choose have an enormous impact on your life – from the big things like your personality, self-confidence and dreams for the future to the smaller aspects like the way you dress and talk, or the music and movies you favour. Your friends are integral witnesses and contributors to your life. To throw out another quote in the words of Spiderman, “With this power comes great responsibility”. Your friends have an important role in your life and you in theirs, and if this role is abused in any way, the consequences can be very damaging. Here’s how to make sure you know how to nurture your friend’s confidence, so she can do the same for you.
Recognise her insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say about what she really worried about? What makes her ashamed? This could be anything from acne to regrets or other friends at school. Whatever is making her feel unworthy, embarrassed or inferior, help her identify it, give it a name and write it down. You can also encourage her to shred the paper she’s written it down on to start feeling positive on those points.
Encourage your friend to talk about anything and everything that’s bothering her with friends (you) and other loved ones. Every day, chip away at her bothers and wear them down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem: focus on it and understand that she needs to resolve each issue before she can move on. The aim is for your bestie to learn to accept herself, her past and her circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".
Remind her that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Encourage her to remember that life is full of bumps down the road.
Identify her successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which she excels and encourage her to focus on these talents. Give her permission to take pride in them. Give her credit for her successes. Heartfelt praise can contribute the most incredible positivity to the ego and boost self-confidence.
Encourage a positive attitude, even if you don't feel the same way. Avoid self-pity or the pity of others. Instead, encourage your friend to speak positively about herself, about her future and about her progress. Inspire her to project her strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, she’ll reinforce those ideas in the minds of others and encourage their growth in a positive direction.
Teach her to accept compliments gracefully. Stop her from rolling her eyes with a, "Yeah, right," or shrugging it off. Encourage her to take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
Finally – be honest. A dishonest person has no chance of having true friends. Keep your promises;:do what you say you are going to do. And most importantly, don't lie!
A friend you can trust with your life, who’s there for you no matter what, who makes you feel like you can achieve anything you set your mind to, is the most incredible blessing. Imagine your reality with no friends. Pretty bleak, huh? Invest in your friendship, ditch the bad-self-esteem club and be the best friend you can possibly be. A friend worth keeping will return and share the favour. That’s just how friendship works.
Main photograph: istockphoto.com |