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EXPECTING UNEXPECTEDLY
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Here's how to cope with an unexpected pregnancy and where to go for support.
So you’ve discovered that you’re pregnant. You’re young, unmarried and completely terrified by the prospect of life as a teen mother and the enormous responsibility that you are shouldering. What to do, where to go, who to tell? So many questions and so much pressure! Take a deep breath. When you’re faced with what appears from the outset to be an insurmountable problem, it helps to break things down piece by piece so you’re able to come up with a series of plans, instead of trying to wrap your head around a complete complex solution. We’ll help you do just that.
First off, understand that you are not alone. Research by the Health Department reveals that one in every three teenage girls in South Africa gets pregnant by the age of 20. This has happened to thousands of other women all across the country who got through it, and so will you. Keep reminding yourself of that and stay positive. You will find a way.
You biggest decision about an unplanned pregnancy boils down to three options: termination, adoption and keeping the baby. Each decision has very different consequences so you need to reflect seriously on each one. Take some time off to focus on thinking each option through carefully. Is one of them completely unacceptable or impossible? If so, you're down to two options. Make sure that you consider these options from your point of view: don’t start thinking of what your parents would do or your friends. This is your decision, remember that. You’re going to have to live with the choice you make now for the rest of your life, so you can’t rush into it or let yourself be forced.
Imagine your life with each option. Imagine how your life will change if you keep the baby. Imagine how you will feel if you give your baby up for adoption or seek a termination.
Reflect upon your goals for the future. Will a baby fit in alongside those goals? If not, are you willing to abandon your dreams or put them on hold for a while?
Consider talking to the father. You may, for your own reasons, choose not to let him know about the pregnancy but it might make sense to get his input before making a decision. And he might want to learn about single-father parenting. This is completely your decision – you decide whether or not you want to involve him at all, and if so, to what extent.
Talk to a counselor, go to a pregnancy centre or call a pregnancy hotline. These professionals will help you make an informed decision about what you want to do. Ideally, a counselor should be an mature, trustworthy and objective person who isn't caught up in the emotions of being pregnant. They can offer you the pros and cons of your decisions without the emotions the father or your close family members would be feeling.
Also talk to your parents. Once you’ve got a more clear plan on the path you’re going to take, it’s wise to let them know about your situation and what you plan to do. Ask their advice but don’t allow yourself to be swayed into changing your decision to something you don’t feel comfortable with. Your parents should be your support base during this time, with no strings attached. Naturally, they are going to be shocked by the news - even disappointed – but you need to show them that you’re taking responsibility for the situation you’ve created.
You don’t have to go through this alone.
Get help here:
The Catholic Women's League: (011) 618 1533
Fatima House: (012) 343 0111
Pregnancy Crisis: (011) 614 3149
DISA (Glenda): 083 654 6486
Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (011) 787 1222
Neo Birth Pregnancy Crisis Centre: (012) 343 6401/083 653 7425
Photograph: istockphoto.com
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